How will it feel

when I no longer

turn up at your door


As the clock winds down

and our time is almost over

will you miss me


Or will you breathe

a sigh of relief

that my therapy is done


I know I will never

ever be completely sane

my brain is not wired that way


I have no sense of “normal”

I despise the word

It is meaningless to me


I am weird, I know I am

but that’s okay

I like me that way


I enjoy my individuality

with my blue hair

and hat fetish


I like to dance

and prance around on stage

poetry in hand


You know me now

know my thoughts and dreams

my secrets and fears


You have seen my tears

my joy, heard me speak

about my life


Now it’s time for endings

Only farewell, not goodbye

I’ll be back again next year

Will you still be there?



I dance to forget
to become so lost
in the rhythm
that memory
has no meaning

I dance to endure
the ache in my heart
to scatter the ashes
of our love
beneath my feet

I dance to hear
the lullaby you sang
when the nightmares
would come clawing
at my sleep

I dance to mourn
the wilted rose
that lays there
wasted on
your pillow

I dance to stop
myself from weeping
as the sun rises
upon another day
without you


Books and papers

coffee cups

and crumby plates


on every surface

floor, desk, bed

click click click

of computer keys

words on a screen

come together

swim together

in shoals of meaning

academic waffle

just enough

for the wordcount

frantic panic


for quotes


stick-it notes

mark pages

never even read

final spurt then

whirr whirr whirr

printed paper

single sided sheets

spat out


and stapled

Killing time

We slice

our lives

into pieces

into moments

of pain

or pleasure

then drag

their remains

behind us

until we find

a burial site


We carry

inner scars

carved by

the flow

of time

a river

that cuts

through us

like a




We grind

our axes

and hold

our grudges

until we

bury the

hatchet in




Why do we

cling to

the misery

and let go

of the joy?

Why do

we kill time

instead of





Eulogy to lust

Touch your dreams

and float on a boat

of seasoned oak

with a stallion

figurehead down a

river of mare’s milk


Call upon the Sky Father

and Earth Mother with

a bull yak’s horn

Dance with the ancestors and

follow the spirit roads

to the Great Khan’s tomb


Let the arrow fly

from sacred bow

and follow its path

to where the raven

roosts high upon

the watchtower


Leave your heart

upon the lintel

as you cross the

threshold into

the garden where

she awaits you


At her touch

you become

a graven sword

held upright

to plunge deep

into her soul


She wraps herself

around the blade

offering her blood

as sacrifice

upon the altar

of her bed


Her tears bathe

the wounds of

battle and

bless the seed

from which

a nation will grow


Your sword glows

red in the heat

of her lust and

the molten remains

lie passive

within her flesh


A sigh signals

a pause for

breath as both

sides lay down arms

and begin to

gather the fallen


A whispered name

becomes a eulogy

to his lust

and a mantra

to the love

she had gained

I remember

I remember the sun that shone

upon the grass as we sat

by the river


I remember the light that shone

from your eyes when you smiled

up at my face


I remember how your skin shone

under the full moon as we lay

on the beach


I remember how your laughter shone

in the darkness as we danced

beneath the sky


I remember the stars that shone

above our heads as we made love

in the open air


I remember how your love shone

a light upon the darkness in my heart

and healed me


I remember how the tears shone

like crystal in the darkness

when you left


I remember how the light went out

as you turned and walked away

without a word


I placed each stone

carefully chosen

cemented with tears

as a child

slave of my desire

to escape


Each angry word

and stubborn silence

added another layer

year by year

until I was closed in

surrounded by walls

stained with the blood

that dripped from

my ripped fingernails


Day upon day

I have lived in this cell

of my own creation

by my own volition

keeping the outside

world at bay


Now I am unsure

how to live without walls

that have grown so tall

I feel small and lost

within them


I long to break out

to fly free

but I no longer know

how to be just me

alone without walls

how to allow the

waves of the world

to come crashing through


The walls are old

the stones are cracked

the mortar crumbled

I can see daylight

and it scares me

Yet I know the walls

need to come down

before they collapse

and become my tomb


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